ALICE IN WONDERLAND
PLAYSCRIPT 2007-2008
ACT 9
Alice appears on the stage, there is a big table and on the table lots of cups and saucers, teapots and coffeepots. By the table, the March Hare and the Mad Hatter are singing a song.
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MARCH HARE: ...to us. A very know what day today is tea forget of us??
MAD HATTER: A very merry unbirthday...
MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday...
MAD HATTER & MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to us! ...
MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to me.
MAD HATTER: To who?
MARCH HARE: To me.
MAD HATTER: Oh you!
MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to you.
MAD HATTER: Who, me?
MARCH HARE: Yes, you.
MAD HATTER: Oh me!
MARCH HARE: Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea, a very merry unbirthday to you!
Alice tries to get close to the table but they don´t let her.
MARCH HARE & MAD HATTER: No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!
ALICE: But I thought there was plenty of room!
MARCH HARE: Ah, but it’s very rude to sit down without being invited!
MAD HATTER: I say it’s rude. It’s very very rude, indeed! Hah!
MOUSE: Very very very rude, indeed...
ALICE: Oh, I’m very sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me...
MARCH HARE: You enjoyed our singing?
MAD HATTER: Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! I’m so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!
MARCH HARE: Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!
ALICE: That would be very nice. I’m sorry I interrupted your birthdayparty... uh, thank you.
MARCH HARE: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthdayparty!
MAD HATTER: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!
ALICE: Unbirthday? Why, I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand.
MARCH HARE: It’s very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when... an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you... haha... she doesn’t know what an unbirthday is!
MAD HATTER: How silly! Ha HA Ha Ha! Ah-hum... I shall ellusinate! Now statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday.
MARCH HARE: Imagine, just one birthday every year.
MAD HATTER: Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!
MARCH HARE: Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer!
ALICE: Why, then today is my unbirthday too!
MARCH HARE: It is?
MAD HATTER: What a small world this is.
MARCH HARE: In that case... a very merry unbirthday.
ALICE: To me?
MAD HATTER: To you!
MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday. (and he gives Alice a birthday cake)
ALICE: For me?
MAD HATTER: For you! Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he!
ALICE: Oh, that was lovely!
MAD HATTER: And uh, and now my dear, hehe, uh... you were saying ... hehe!
ALICE: Oh, yes. You see, I’m looking for a...
MAD HATTER: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!
ALICE: But I haven’t used my cup!
MARCH HARE: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down!
MAD HATTER: Would you like a little more tea?
ALICE: Well, I haven’t had any yet, so I can’t very well take more...
MARCH HARE: Ahh, you mean you can’t very well take less!
MAD HATTER: Yes! You can always take more than nothing!
ALICE: But I only meant that...
MAD HATTER: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, won’t you tell us all about it?
MARCH HARE: Start at the beginning.
MAD HATTER: Yes, yes! And when you come to the end, hehehe, stop! See?
ALICE: Well, it all started while I was sitting in the garden with Dinah.
MARCH HARE: Very interesting. Who’s Dinah?
ALICE: Why, Dinah is my cat. You see...
MOUSE: Cat?
MARCH HARE: Hurry! Give the jam! Quickly! On his nose! Put it on his nose!
MAD HATTER: On his nose, on his nose!
MOUSE: Where’s the cat...
MAD HATTER: Oh. Oh, my goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
MARCH HARE: See all the trouble you’ve started?
ALICE: But really, I didn’t think...
MARCH HARE: Ah, but that’s the point! If you don’t think, you shouldn’t talk!
MAD HATTER: Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!
ALICE: But I still haven’t used....
MAD HATTER: Move down, move down, move down, move down... And now my dear, as you were saying?
ALICE: Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...
MAD HATTER: I do, hehehe?
ALICE: I mean my C - A - T...
MAD HATTER: Tea?
MARCH HARE: Just half a cup if you don’t mind.
MAD HATTER: Come, come my dear. hehehe! Don’t you care for tea?
ALICE: Why, yes, I’m very fond of tea, but...
MARCH HARE: If you don’t care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!
ALICE: Well, I’ve been trying to ask you...
MARCH HARE: I have an excellent idea! Let’s change the subject! How about a nice cup of tea?
ALICE: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, I’m sorry, but I just haven’t the time!
MARCH HARE: The time, the time! Who’s got the time?
WHITE RABBIT: No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! I’m late! I’m late!
ALICE: The white rabbit!
WHITE RABBIT: Oh, I’m so late! I’m so very very late!
MAD HATTER: Well, no wonder you’re late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!
WHITE RABBIT: Two days slow?
MAD HATTER: Of course you’re late. Hahaha! My goodness. We’ll have to look into this. A-ha! I see what’s wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!
WHITE RABBIT: Oh, my good watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but- but...
MAD HATTER: Butter! Of course, we need some butter! Butter!
MARCH HARE: Butter!
WHITE RABBIT: But- but- butter?
MAD HATTER: Butter, oh, thank you, butter. Ha ha. Yes, that’s fine.
WHITE RABBIT: Oh no no, no no no you’ll get crumbs in it!
MAD HATTER: Oh, this is the very best butter! What are you talking about?
MARCH HARE: Tea?
MAD HATTER: Tea! Oh, I never thought of tea! Of course!
WHITE RABBIT: No!
MAD HATTER: Tea! hehehe
WHITE RABBIT: No! Not tea!
MARCH HARE: Sugar?
MAD HATTER: Sugar. Two spoons, yes, ha, two spoons. Thank you, yes.
WHITE RABBIT: Oh, please! Be careful!
MARCH HARE: Look at that! It’s going mad!
ALICE: Oh, my goodness!
WHITE RABBIT: Oh dear!
MARCH HARE: It is going mad! Mad watch!
MAD HATTER: I don't understand, it's the best butter.
MARCH HARE: There’s only one way to stop a mad watch!
And he takes a hammer and hits the watch with it.
WHITE RABBIT: Oh, my watch...
MAD HATTER: It was?
WHITE RABBIT: And it was an unbirthday present too.
MARCH HARE: Well, in that case...
MARCH HARE & MAD HATTER: A very merry unbirthday to you!
And the white rabbit quickly disappears from the stage.
ALICE: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh, now where did he go to? And she goes after him leaving the March Hare and the Mad Hatter singing their unbirthday song.
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END OF ACT 9
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