ALICE IN WONDERLAND - PLAYSCRIPT - MAY 2010 - ACT 7

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

PLAYSCRIPT - MAY 2010

ACT 7

Alice appears on the stage. In the middle there is a big mushroom and on the mushroom there is a caterpillar smoking and singing.

CATERPILLAR: Aaaa, a e i o u aaaaa, a e i o u aaaaa, a e i o u aaaaa,... Who are you?

ALICE: I- I- I hardly know, sir! I changed so many times since this morning, you see...

CATERPILLAR: I do not see. Explain yourself.

ALICE: Why, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know...

CATERPILLAR: I do not know.

ALICE: Well, I can’t put it anymore clearly because it isn’t clear to me!

CATERPILLAR: You? Who are you?

ALICE: Well, don’t you think you ought to tell me- cough-cough, cough-cough, who you are first?

CATERPILLAR: Why?

ALICE: Oh dear. Everything is so confusing.

CATERPILLAR: It is not.

ALICE: Well, it is to me.

CATERPILLAR: Why?

ALICE: Well, I can’t remember things as I used to, and...

CATERPILLAR: Recite.

ALICE: Hmm? Oh! Oh, oh, yes, sir! Um... how doth the little busy bee, improve each such...

CATERPILLAR: Stop! That is not spoken correctically. It goes: how... (Alice starts laughing and she interrupts him)

CATERPILLAR: Hmm! How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... how cheer... Ahem! (Alice

ALICE: Well I must say I’ve never heard it that way before...

CATERPILLAR: I know, I have improved it.

ALICE: Well, cough-cough, if you ask me...

CATERPILLAR: You? Huh, who are you?

ALICE: Cough-cough, cough-cough, A-choo! Oh! (She starts leaving very angrily)

CATERPILLAR: You there! Girl! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!

ALICE: Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now. Well...?

CATERPILLAR: Keep your temper!

ALICE: Is that all?

CATERPILLAR: No. Exactically, what is your problem?

ALICE: Well, it’s exactica-, exacti-, well, it’s precisely this: I should like to be a little bigger, sir.

CATERPILLAR: Why?

ALICE: Well, after all, three inches is such a horrible height, and...

CATERPILLAR: I am exactically three inches high, and it is a very good height indeed!

ALICE: But I’m not used to it. And you needn’t shout! Oh dear!

CATERPILLAR: By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller...

ALICE: One side of what?

CATERPILLAR: ...and the other side will make you grow shorter.

ALICE: The other side of what?

CATERPILLAR: The mushroom, of course!!

And the caterpillar becomes a butterfly and flies away.

ALICE: Hmm. One side will make me grow... but which is which? Hmm. After all that’s happened, I- I wonder if I... I don’t care. I’m tired of being only three inches high. (She takes a piece of mushroom from each side and leaves the stage.)

END OF ACT 7