ALICE IN WONDERLAND - PLAYSCRIPT - MAY 2010 - ACT 9

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

PLAYSCRIPT - MAY 2010

ACT 9

Alice appears on the stage, there is a big table and on the table lots of cups and saucers, teapots and coffeepots. By the table, the March Hare and the Mad Hatter are singing a song.

MARCH HARE: ...to us. A very know what day today is tea forget of us??

MAD HATTER: A very merry unbirthday...

MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday...

MAD HATTER & MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to us! ...

MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to me.

MAD HATTER: To who?

MARCH HARE: To me.

MAD HATTER: Oh you!

MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday to you.

MAD HATTER: Who, me?

MARCH HARE: Yes, you.

MAD HATTER: Oh me!

MARCH HARE: Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea, a very merry unbirthday to you!

Alice tries to get close to the table but they don´t let her.

MARCH HARE & MAD HATTER: No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!

ALICE: But I thought there was plenty of room!

MARCH HARE: Ah, but it’s very rude to sit down without being invited!

MAD HATTER: I say it’s rude. It’s very very rude, indeed! Hah!

DORMOUSE: Very very very rude, indeed...

ALICE: Oh, I’m very sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me...

MARCH HARE: You enjoyed our singing?

MAD HATTER: Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! I’m so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!

MARCH HARE: Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!

ALICE: That would be very nice. I’m sorry I interrupted your birthdayparty... uh, thank you.

MARCH HARE: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthday party!

MAD HATTER: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!

ALICE: Unbirthday? Why, I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand.

MARCH HARE: It’s very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when... an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you... haha... she doesn’t know what an unbirthday is!

MAD HATTER: How silly! Ha HA Ha Ha! Ah-hum... I shall ellusinate! Now statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday.

MARCH HARE: Imagine, just one birthday every year.

MAD HATTER: Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!

MARCH HARE: Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer!

ALICE: Why, then today is my unbirthday too!

MARCH HARE: It is?

MAD HATTER: What a small world this is.

MARCH HARE: In that case... a very merry unbirthday.

ALICE: To me?

MAD HATTER: To you!

MARCH HARE: A very merry unbirthday (and he gives Alice a birthday cake)

ALICE: For me?

MAD HATTER: For you! Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he!

ALICE: Oh, that was lovely!

MAD HATTER: And uh, and now my dear, hehe, uh... you were saying that you would like to sit uh...?  hehe!

ALICE: Oh, yes. You see, I’m looking for a...

MAD HATTER: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!

ALICE: But I haven’t used my cup!

MARCH HARE: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down,!

MAD HATTER: Would you like a little more tea?

ALICE: Well, I haven’t had any yet, so I can’t very well take more...

MARCH HARE: Ahh, you mean you can’t very well take less!

MAD HATTER: Yes! You can always take more than nothing!

ALICE: But I only meant that...

MAD HATTER: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, won’t you tell us all about it?

MARCH HARE: Start at the beginning.

MAD HATTER: Yes, yes! And when you come to the end, hehehe, stop! See?

ALICE: Well, it all started while I was sitting in the garden with Dinah.

MARCH HARE: Very interesting. Who’s Dinah?

ALICE: Why, Dinah is my cat. You see...

DORMOUSE: Cat?

MARCH HARE: Hurry! Give the jam! Quickly! On his nose! Put it on his nose!

MAD HATTER: On his nose, on his nose!

DORMOUSE: Where’s the cat...

MAD HATTER: Oh. Oh, my goodness! Those are the things that upset me!

MARCH HARE: See all the trouble you’ve started?

ALICE: But really, I didn’t think...

MARCH HARE: Ah, but that’s the point! If you don’t think, you shouldn’t talk!

MAD HATTER: Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!

ALICE: But I still haven’t used....

MAD HATTER: Move down, move down, move down, move down... And now my dear, as you were saying?

ALICE: Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...

MAD HATTER: I do, hehehe?

ALICE: I mean my C - A - T...

MAD HATTER: Tea?

MARCH HARE: Just half a cup if you don’t mind.

MAD HATTER: Come, come my dear. hehehe! Don’t you care for tea?

ALICE: Why, yes, I’m very fond of tea, but...

MARCH HARE: If you don’t care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

ALICE: Well, I’ve been trying to ask you...

MARCH HARE: I have an excellent idea! Let’s change the subject! How about a nice cup of tea?

ALICE: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, I’m sorry, but I just haven’t the time!

MARCH HARE: The time, the time! Who’s got the time?

WHITE RABBIT: No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! I’m late! I’m late!

ALICE: The white rabbit!

WHITE RABBIT: Oh, I’m so late! I’m so very very late!

MAD HATTER: Well, no wonder you’re late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!

WHITE RABBIT: Two days slow?

MAD HATTER: Of course you’re late. Hahaha! My goodness. We’ll have to look into this. A-ha! I see what’s wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!

WHITE RABBIT: Oh, my good watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but- but...

MAD HATTER: Butter! Of course, we need some butter! Butter!

MARCH HARE: Butter!

WHITE RABBIT: But- but- butter?

MAD HATTER: Butter, oh, thank you, butter. Ha ha. Yes, that’s fine.

WHITE RABBIT: Oh no no, no no no you’ll get crumbs in it!

MAD HATTER: Oh, this is the very best butter! What are you talking about?

MARCH HARE: Tea?

MAD HATTER: Tea! Oh, I never thought of tea! Of course!

WHITE RABBIT: No!

MAD HATTER: Tea! hehehe

WHITE RABBIT: No! Not tea!

MARCH HARE: Sugar?

MAD HATTER: Sugar. Two spoons, yes, ha, two spoons. Thank you, yes.

WHITE RABBIT: Oh, please! Be careful!

MARCH HARE: Look at that! It’s going mad!

ALICE: Oh, my goodness!

WHITE RABBIT: Oh dear!

MARCH HARE: It is going mad! Mad watch!

MAD HATTER: I don't understand, it's the best butter.

MARCH HARE: There’s only one way to stop a mad watch!

And he takes a hammer and hits the watch with it.

WHITE RABBIT: Oh, my watch...

MAD HATTER: It was?

WHITE RABBIT: And it was an unbirthday present too.

MARCH HARE: Well, in that case...

MARCH HARE & MAD HATTER: A very merry unbirthday to you!

And the white rabbit quickly disappears from the stage.

ALICE: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh, now where did he go to? (And she goes after him leaving the March Hare and the Mad Hatter singing their unbirthday song.)

END OF ACT 9